Famous funny dating quotes

The Best And Funniest Quotes Ever

And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. Try explaining Hitler to a kid. Teach them to question what they read, teach them to question everything. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Laugh often , long and loud.

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Laugh until you gasp for breath. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter.

Some day I intend reading it. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. Groucho Marx Click to tweet. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: Behing every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. I can tell you that the effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is. It is better to risk starving to death then surrender.

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My soul is not contained within the limits of my body. My body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul. Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them. Jim Carrey Click to tweet. Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything , or creating anything.

New Scientist magazine reported that in the future, cars could be powered by hazelnuts. I want to be a dad. I wanted to be a Priest at one point. I was pretty religious. I was an altar boy, and I was good at it. Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with. Thank you , Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano.

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. Jimmy Fallon Click to tweet.

30 Witty Dating Quotes From Celebrities

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us? Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. If we amplify everything we hear nothing. Jon Stewart Click to tweet. I think if you get kicked in the face you deserved it because that means that you watched the foot come to your face. These glasses are way 2 big for my damn face!

I look like I got on a damn tinted construction mask.


Funny Quotes From The World's Funniest People :)

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like! It was born 15 minutes ago it looks like a potato. Marriage is a 24 hour job. Everything is a team effort. Well, wait, let me get my coat. I just wanna get some chips. If I still cannot hear what you have to say after you have repeated it three times, I will just laugh and hope it was not a question. I think the world should keep laughing. All I can do is try to create my own brand and have people appreciate me for that.

Kevin Hart Click to tweet. Your life sucks around the phone. There are two types of people in the world: People who say they pee in the shower and dirty fucking liars. Just live your life. Also it lights up your big dumb face. Of course, if you are fighting for your country and get shot or hurt, it is a terrible tragedy. My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela. Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others.

The same applies when you are stupid. Beliefs do not change facts. Facts, if one is rational, should change beliefs. Humor is to get us over terrible things. Make the most of it.

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We have nothing to die for. We have everything to live for. Never confuse your right to say what you believe with a right to never be disagreed with and ridiculed for saying what you believe. No one wants to see cool people doing brilliantly.

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  4. I want to see the struggle. People who criticize you have usually never achieved anywhere near what you have. Most of them would be too scared to even try.

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    Ricky Gervais Click to tweet. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. The only weapon we have is comedy. Robin Williams Click to tweet.

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    For a while you get mad, then you get over it. What would you say to your barber?

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